I've done alot of stupid things this year. I've had to say i'm sorry for every one of the stupid things i've done. Not only have I hurt myself but i've hurt others and that is the most selfish thing any one person can do. I want to say sorry one last time to everyone that i've hurt. I truely am sorry. Now i'm just going to live my life the way I want to. I'm not going to do things to make other people happy and myself miserable, I can't live like that, nor should anyone ask me too. This was by far the worst summer. Not because of anything anyone else did, but because of the things I didn't do. I didn't allow myself to have fun, hang out with my friends, go to parties, anything like that. I wouldn't let myself. I stayed at home and cried about things that yesterday didn't fix, today can't fix, and tomorrow won't fix. In other words I just cried about things that I have no control over. Things I can't change. Things that are contained by other people and only they have the power to reverse. I blame myself for others faults along with my own. The pain is unbearable at times and the only way to make sence of it is to put all the blame on myself. It hurts so much to watch everyone else having the time of their life. I wish so much it could be me. I just refrain myself from those situations because it's those situations that caused me this pain. If only others saw things the way I do. I think I have very good values in life but they seem to be of little importance when nobody shares them. I wish the people I cared about most in this world could see where I am coming from. It's so hard to watch them ignore me and ignore the pain in my eyes and in my voice. People know that I am hurting but show no concern, no worries, no cares. I don't want people to feel sorry for me but I do want people to see me. I want people to accept me, and except all of me. Everything from my past, everything that will be in my future and most important everything thats happening now, in the present, because thats the person I am and excepting me for that is the greatest thing anyone could do for me.
I want to finish this up now. I just want to say thank you to everyone who's been supporting me and helping me out. To everyone that has been ignoring me and hasn't listened to me, thank you too. You have helped me the most. You have showed me how much I am capable of handling on my own and how much I value my friendship with my true friends.
I hope to talk to everyone sometime.